You're so pretty.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even try to sleep anymore when I get in bed. I wait for the sleep to find me. It creeps up, attacking the eyes slowly until they finally surrender. Each night has been the same. The same since then. It's something I am denying, trying to find a way out, an escape. Reality has never been my strong suit, and now it's attacking me, forcing me to live in it when all I want to do is run, erase, deny. I live in a world of denial, and I know that to be self-destructing. Now I know.

There is something about waking up and realizing things have to change. It hits, a blanket statement that doesn't waver, doesn't quiver, hesitate, or question. It's direct, blunt even. Aggressive and real. It hurts, but with good intention. A slap in the face, a good shake, the opening of ears, eyes. Comprehension hits. A fool no more. It's fun to live in a world of imagination, but sometimes lonely. You can't stay forever. All boys grow up, and in this world there are no exceptions.

I'm halfway there. I'm realizing the way, the path, the plan. I learned. I grew. I followed. And, I'm ok.

I'm ready. I'm waiting. I'm excited, but not impatient. Anxious and more confident. In myself, in my world, in God we trust.

When? Where? How? Why? Who? Wouldn't I like to know. But then, that would be ruining the story. All good things come in time.
And maybe if I'm a very good girl, I'll get what I wish for. A life of happiness and joy and laughter and dancing. A life of love.

Stay tuned. I am.